You know who I mean, you're watching a cartoon and it's pretty good, the characters are cool, people you'd like to emulate maybe or using cool weapons, having some kind of crazy adventure, then their talking pet cucumber flies onto the scene and makes the heroes slip over on some spilled baked beans and the cartoon's level of awesomeness just plummets. I don't know why these cute but idiotic characters are added to cartoons, I've a feeling girls are to blame somehow as they identify with stupid flying cucumbers more than muscled heroes or maybe girls make the cartoons and just want to ruin it for the boys.
Here's a typical scene from Galactic Thunder and Clarence Cucumber, just as our hero steals the Lizard Men's crown stupid Clarence is there with his beans and causes Thorgar to get a shotgun blast to the nuts.
Slimer and The Real Ghostbusters
I love Ghostbusters and I love Slimer but i don't love the Ghostbusters keeping Slimer as a pet. Its the equivalent of cops keeping a murderer hanging around the police station because the majority of them like him. Here's an example of a typical ending to an episode of Slimer and The Real Ghosbusters
Now here's the ending if the cartoon was called Murderer and The Real Cops
I think i've made my point but i'll elaborate further, Slimer like most cartoon sidekicks causes more trouble than he's worth, if Egon's made a machine that will open a rift to a dimension of unparalleled evil you can guarantee Slimer will accidentally turn it on. He eats all the food and continually slimes Venkman. He also talks in an annoying voice. Ghostbusters on their own would have been the best cartoon on at the time, they didn't need a pet Slimer.
Thundercats
Snarf, again he's foolish and likely to get into trouble, he's clearly not as advanced as the Thundercats and yet he's tasked with looking after Lion-o and being his nanny. Since Lion-o is the leader of the Thundercats and Snarf can tell Lion-o what to do doesn't that make Snarf the supreme leader of the Thundercats? For not recognising that fact and taking charge he should die.
Dungeons and Dragons
Uni, oh my god, gets in trouble so many times its ridiculous and he makes the most annoying noise of any stupid cartoon sidekick. I find it hard to believe that the barbarian boy likes him so much, and what would they do if they did get back to the real world, they can't keep him or he'd be put in a zoo or chopped up and experimented on, they should have let the dragon kill him in the first episode.
*Nostalgesia doesn't agree with Tommy's opinion that unicorns are gay or that owning a unicorn makes you gay or that there is anything wrong with being gay or a unicorn.
Defenders of the Earth
Its bad enough that they involve their teenage kids in episodes, who wants to watch them instead of Phantom or Lothar, but then they have Zuffy. Again Zuffy seems to have an annoying habit of needing to be rescued and getting in trouble while not really helping the rest of the time. Can he fly the spaceship? No. Can he do magic? No. Can he summon the strength of ten tigers? No. Do we want to watch him? No.
The Fonz and The Happy Days Gang
Apart from having too many The's in the title they also had a talking dog called Mr Cool who tried to be like The Fonz. I can accept Fonz and the gang travelling through time trying to get back to Arnold's, I can't accept dogs that walk on two legs, wear clothes, talk or try to be like The Fonz. There's no way that Fonz would put up with him for so long, he'd have taken him to the vets and had him put down, Richie would probably have tried to stop him but eventually, by like, episode 3, Mr. Cool would be history.
Mask
Technically T-Bob would be the annoying sidekick, but I'll let Matt Tracker's son be killed in his place any day. It seems like these characters were just added to give the rest of the heroes something to do each week. Seriously if anybody else's kid got kidnapped or nearly killed as much as Scott Tracker he'd be taken away by Social Services and that would be no bad thing.
I'd let Scott stay if T-Bob was his mask though, that would be good.
Scrappy Dappy Doo!
I know I hate cartoon dogs that talk but Scooby Doo pulls it off by still being just an ordinary dog in how he walks around and everything and talking in a way that you'd imagine a dog to talk if one did figure out how. Scrappy though, who's idea was he? Scooby and the gang were getting along fine solving mysteries and eating enormous sandwiches, as soon as Scrappy turns up the monster you've just captured bites your hand off when you try and take his mask off because they are all real ghosts and monsters now. All sense of reality is out of the window and we have to put up with Puppy Power. The cartoon vets would be very busy if I was around I know that much.
|
